do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you never un-have a 4some
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
