He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
