you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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