I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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