omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
