she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
