you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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