can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Farmville is her only friend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
