8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
