btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize