It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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