so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
