the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
