Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
