tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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