i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
