I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Its about making memories worth repressing
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
