So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
