definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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