He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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