Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
