cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
