You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
