There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
