I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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