I cut my penus on the lid.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
