i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
