Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
