i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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