I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
