She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
