I'm really into asian looking animals
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
