Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
