I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
