apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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