his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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