the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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