its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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