Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
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