My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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