oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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