My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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