areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
