This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize