the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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