I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can't talk, ducks in the car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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