We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
