Where did you get a picture of my penis
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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