Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
