You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
