FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
