it hurts more in the daytime
that's an acceptable place to lick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
