My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
BRING THE BAGELS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
