oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
