Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
