Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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