i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize