jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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