dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
