Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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