sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize