What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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