i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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