My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
