Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
