Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize