Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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