i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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