i think my mom watched the whole time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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