Define "chronic" masturbator.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would fuck him just for his dog
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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