I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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