Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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