I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I deserve this hangover.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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