I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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