my room smells like sperm. sweet.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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