I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
