Apparently you make a good broom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my poor anus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
