I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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